so close . . .

Easter break is SO close and i absolutely cannot wait for it to get here... for many reasons:

1- I get to go home... duh
2- I get to visit Wright State on Friday and find out which of my credits will transfer and those that won't
3- I'm going to do something Marissa... although i still have to call her and figure out exactly what.
4- I get to hang out with all my friends
5- NO HOMEWORK

...and speaking of homework, that is all i have been doing today. I only have one class on tuesdays and it got cancelled today because we had our spring convocation for the university. I got up early, 8am, took a shower and started on homework. I guess it's about time since i've been putting off all my work for a very long time... but i am really proud of myself for actually sticking to my "to do list" and not making some lame excuse to go to mansfield or wal-mart for a couple hours.

There have been a few things bothering me lately. It starts with my boss at the rec center. She and I have a fairly good relationship and she is an amazing person and supervisor but i just feel like she is trying way too hard to get me to stay at ashland. I've went back and forth a few times with her telling her that i was transfering and then saying i wasn't. When i told her that i was more than likely going to transfer to wright state and be a male nurse she started to question my decision. Her concern was if i was acutally making the right decision for the right reasons and not making a decision just to make one. Her concern is very valid and i have asked myself this question too, but i really feel like i am finally making the right choice. I want to be in a profession that is fulfilling and where i am able to make a difference but at the same be in a profession that is versitle where i am not doing the same thing and dealing with the same people/patients all the time. I want job security but i also want a job that pays well. I've always liked the sciences and math in school and for those reasons (and a few others) i feel that the profession of nursing and I would be a good fit. ... but it just hit me that everything i'm saying is what I want... not what God wants me to do. I've been driftng away from Him these past few months and i can definitely see things changing in my life that reflect that. At the same time I feel that it is SO hard to be a "good catholic" at school. It doesn't seem the people here are really concerned with their faith - which is one of the reasons i came to ashland... to grow in my faith. Whenever i do meet some people who are into their faith they are almost NEVER freshman rather juniors or seniors and i don't feel like i really connect with them. I don't know... i just have all these thoughts going through my head and i don't know what to make of them. If there is one thing to make of all this, it is to realize how unique, special and awesome my friends are back home. I honestly could not ask for better people. There are probably only 4 people here at ashland that i would consider to be up to their caliber.

Another situation that has been bothering me lately is with my job in admissions. Yes, I know... it's really ironic that i'm a tour guide but yet im transferring, which is where the "situation" comes in to play. My boss in admissions asked those of us who were working in the office the other day if we were all coming back to work next year. Inside my head i was thinkg, "ohhhh shit.. what the heck do i tell her." After everyone said yes she finally looked at me and i just looked back at her with a blank stare and then choked back my saliva and uttered that i was probably coming back. She was like "Well, how about we make that a yes" and i just sat there not saying anything... I don't know why im so afraid to tell her that im transferring - i mean ashland doesn't even have nursing so i would have to transfer anyway. The truth is, even if i wasn't changing my major i would still transfer, which is why i think i feel a bit guilty. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE working in admissions... the people are a lot of fun and i love giving tours (yes, i do say all good things about the university) but ashland is just NOT for me. The academics portion of the university is great but the social life is just terrible. For one, practically everyone goes home on the weekend because most people are from cleveland or columbus which is only an hour away. Also, I need a place that is more exciting and closer to home. This 3 hr drive to and from home/school absolutely sucks. I also feel like i haven't met many people that are like me. I think im a pretty unique guy in that i like the arts (plays, musicals) i like playing sports a lot better than watching them, i like to be into my faith and i'm not a person who wants to go and get drunk every weeknd. I feel like at Ashland you are either "in" or you're not. I feel that the only two types of people here are the drunken jocks or the brilliant nerds (ok, perhaps a bit of an exaggeration... but still...

I just have to keep telling myself to hang in there... only about a month left and i will be free of this place.

I apologize for the long post and the spewing of all my random and pointless thoughts.